Day 11... Work Hard, Love More (Feb. 20th)

Mental:

As mentioned before, I am blessed to work for an amazing firm and to have the opportunities that I do. Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in the craziness of it all and forget to remain calm. Our firm is headed by a brilliant business man who shares great advice. 

Last summer, Lloyd Blankfein gave great advice to the summer interns (see below video). "Work hard, try to get it right, and be a little less anxious..." I think this applies to everyone! Whether you are an intern or a full time employee, whether you work at the firm or not, just work hard and don't stress out to much! 

For some, it is harder to turn off the stress switch once it comes off. But I think if we can try and do our best and accept what is our best instead of thinking it is our worst, we can move forward a little more each day.

Spiritual:
I came across a beautiful quote today that made me think of my Savior and his love for me.

One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving - Paulo Coehlo

The Savior didn't need a reason to love us. He just did. I wonder what my life and my relationships would be like if I reminded myself that I don't need a reason to love anyone. Not to beat a dead horse to all of my single friends, but sometimes I wonder if we focus so much on finding reasons to love those that we meet or finding excuses as to why we don't need to love them, that we miss out on great opportunities. I don't mean to say that we need to fall in love instantly because that may be a little overboard... To love someone for who they are and to respect them and to give them a chance to show you who they are is an expression of love in and of itself. We love our fellow man not because we need a reason, but because we are wired to love people just because. Why focus on finding reasons not to love when we could just love and let that be a start.

Physical:

Sometimes we slip up and when we do, our bodies can tell the difference. I haven't had sugar in awhile and today I had a giant cookie. I felt sick to my stomach!! I completely lost my appetite and had no desire to have sugar again! Of course that last part is a bit dramatic, but sugar and I are not close friends anymore...

Day 10... Appreciating The Little Things (Feb. 19th)

Mental:

Growing up, our family was very into the arts. We spent weekends in museums, read poetry and Shakespeare during quiet time, and listened to operas and classical music before bed. We were nerdy kids... While we probably should have spent more time playing tag outside, I am grateful for my parents teaching us the importance of trying to understand the world around us. I regret not jumping out of trees, but I don't regret studying the beautiful language that can be found in all of the arts. 

This has followed me into my adult years and I continue to do these things for fun. Tonight I went with Sarah Orme to the Utah Symphony for Harry Potter night for her birthday. Sarah LOVES Harry Potter so I figured it would be the perfect present! We both enjoyed it and sat there mesmerized by the magic of the music! Mentally, this is what I needed. I needed to spend time with a great friend, I needed to relax and listen to beautiful music, and I needed the time to come home and reflect. Music, no matter what the tune or theme may be, always moves me to think on things that are just as beautiful. 

Spiritual:

On my Daily LDS Scripture app, the scripture of the day was 2 Timothy 3:1-5.

"This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of things that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away."

The last part really hit me. "having a form of godliness but denying the power thereof..." We all have a form of godliness within us because it is a part of our divine destiny. Because of the natural man, we often deny the power thereof. This breaks my heart because I know I am guilty of this. We are blessed to become so much more, but how often are we focused on this? I think that is why we are asked to return to the temple again and again. The blessings we receive in the temple remind us of what God has in store for us especially if we are to keep the covenants we make with Him. 

Physical:

Today I was grateful for my health. I am much more cautious about what I put into my body and how I treat it. While focusing on eating right and exercising, at this point I have now lost 4 lbs! It's a wonderful feeling to get rid of fat and to replace with muscle. I am constantly amazed at how our bodies can transform within a short period of time. My legs are looking more toned and I certainly have more energy! I drink XOJO during each of my workouts and I can see how it is increasing my performance. Seriously, if you haven't tried XOJO, I highly recommend that you do.

Day 9... Gratitude (Feb. 18th)

Mental:

All I can remember about this day is being stressed out. 3 day weekends are nice, but the beginning of a 4 day work week is not fun... I don't remember much of today except for the fact that I was looking forward to institute and seeing good friends.

I just need to mention a couple of things here. This week taught me a lot about friends. I learned that friends are people who are kind to you and who care for you. Friends are people who have your best interest in mind. Friends are people who smile when they see you. Do you ever wonder about that? When I see friends, I light up. It is instinctive for me to smile when I see the people who make my life that much greater. It is harder to smile at strangers and even harder to smile at people who may have done you wrong. But today I was grateful to smile at those who give me something to smile about.

Also, speaking of friends. I need to take the time to thank Jimmy Rex for being a great friend. I didn't always know Jimmy very well, but he is becoming one of my favorites very quickly. This guy is sharp, funny, and overall a good hearted person! He's been helping me out with a big decision in my life right now and honestly, without his help I would have no idea what I am doing. Aside, from just helping me out with this decision, he has just been a great person to be around. He sends out lots of positive vibes!

Spiritual:

If you don't attend institute, I highly recommend that you do. Johnny Gray taught an excellent lesson based on Elder Holland's talk from General Conference in October. This talk moves me to tears just thinking about it. It is so beautiful and such a testament of the Savior's love for each of us. All of us at some point in our lives are going to endure trials that will drag us to near depression, if not completely immersed in depression. I believe the Lord lets us have these moments, whether short or long term, because it is an opportunity for us to feel His love. Having faith throughout depression is a difficult task, but with the Savior, all things are possible. Our minds are just as fragile as our bodies. At the same time though, our minds can be strong like our bodies. We use different resources to make our bodies strong and to keep ourselves healthy, so we should do the same with our minds. Whether it is medication, deep reflection, etc., we need to do all we can to care for our mind, body, and spirit.

Physical:

Tonight I cried. I see that as a physical expression of my thoughts and emotions. I cried because I was grateful. I was grateful to be spiritually uplifted, to be reminded of my Savior's love. I was grateful for my friends and for people I continue to meet. A good cry was what I needed tonight. 

"Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before -- more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle."

- Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

Day 8... Miracle Formula (Feb. 17th)

Mental:

Today I had the day off of work. That meant I was doing my best to enjoy thinking about other things! I slept in till noon and took my time getting ready, I ate a healthy lunch and then spent an hour in Crate & Barrel. Anyone who knows me, knows that entertaining and home decor will put me in the greatest mood. My mind just kicks into full gear the minute I start planning events, dinners, etc. I slowly examine every shelf in the store and imagine them on my table at home. I think of all of the meals I could put on a serving platter and then think of color schemes for the table linens. It's a problem, I recognize that, but for now it makes me happy. With a day off, I just wanted to do something that would make me smile and scouring my favorite home decor store was just the thing to do!

Aside from making myself happy with home decor, keeping up relationships with close friends will really boost me up. I spent a couple of hours in Provo and visited my dear friends Jillian and Darin Tuttle. These two are such great examples of love and of marriage. They are so kind to one another and serve each other without even having to think about it. I admire the way they care for one another and for other people.

Watching them made me reflect on the type of marriage I want. I desire to have a marriage where serving each other and the Lord is our top priority. I believe committing to a marriage is one of the most selfless things we can do. Getting married is different than being in a marriage. A marriage, to me, means setting aside yourself and focus on joining with someone else. This doesn't mean you subject yourself to them, but I think joining in with someone means admitting you can't walk this life alone, that you will let yourself be vulnerable to let someone else care for and love you, and that you care enough to see to it that they experience the joys of eternal life as well. 

Spiritual: 

Today I thought a lot about miracles. Nearly 4 years ago, a friend told me about the "Miracle Formula." This can be found in the Bible Dictionary. 

Prayer + Felt Need + Faith = Miracles

"Miracles were and are a response to faith and its best encouragement. They were never wrought without prayer, felt need, and faith."

I am always amazed at when miracles occur in my life. I guess if it wasn't that way, it wouldn't be a miracle. The most recent miracle has been the blessing of my job. I am still at the same firm, but moved into a new position. I had been praying since last year to move into this position for very personal reasons, most of which had nothing to do with my career. The more I prayed, I found that this would not only benefit my personal life, but would actually in the end better my career path. The opportunity came when I wasn't expecting it, but it was clearly the right moment. It may not seem like a miracle to some, but to me, it brought great blessings. I think most of those are too personal to share with everyone, but it brings me to tears just thinking about it. It has been an experience that has testified to me that the Lord hears my prayers. This wasn't something I had originally planned on, but when the initial desire came, I knew I needed to be prepared for it. Never have I felt more thrilled to go to work, mainly because I know it is a blessing for me to experience the joy of my job.

I have used the Miracle Formula as a way to align my will with God's and to ask for things that I know he will see fit to bless me with. The prayer aspect has helped me to understand things as God would like me to. I am a child to Him and need to learn from Him. Understanding my relationship to my Father in Heaven helps me to walk a path that He would have me walk and to embrace it. I challenge everyone to apply this formula and to watch miracles happen in your life!

Physical:

Tonight I was upset because I know how important sleep is, but it just wasn't happening! I couldn't fall asleep for hours. It wasn't until 1:30am that I FINALLY got tired. I love sleep and I was beyond upset that I couldn't sleep. By midnight I was too afraid to take any sleep aids for fear of not being able to wake up on time. So then paranoia kept me up... Not cool. After thinking about miracles today, it would've been a real miracle to have fallen asleep...

Day 7... Obedience (Feb. 16th)

Mental:

After coming home from Church today, I decided to let my mind take a break. I didn't want to think much because it's what I do every single day. So instead I watched 3 of the Harry Potter movies. That series just makes me feel all warm inside. Not much to report for today in the mental department except for the fact that my mind was feeling good!

Spiritual: 

Today my mom and I discussed the prophets of the Old Testament. My mother is not Mormon, but she is one of the most well-versed Christians I know. We used to fight when we had spiritual conversations, but now we've agreed to discuss where we agree and to help each other grow in those areas. We both have a deep love for the Bible and so to share that with her is extra special to me. We talked about Abraham today and his obedience. 

We must be courageously obedient - James E. Faust

What I love about President Faust saying that is the fact that he recognizes the difficulty in being obedient. We are sinners and therefore, sinning will come easy to us. To overcome our mortal selves is going to be a challenge and it will be obedience that will help us. It take courage to do what is right and I believe most of us, if not all of us, experience that on a daily basis. Abraham is a wonderful example of obedience because he did not hesitate to do what was asked of him. I often wonder how my days would turn out if I was completely obedient. I don't struggle with extreme sins, but hey, we've all got our vices and none of us are perfect. Obedience is something we all are going to have to develop the courage to do in this life.

Physical: 

One of the things I love best about Sundays is that it is a day of rest. Let me tell you, no body loves rest like my body does! 

Day 6... Gym Comes First (Feb. 15th)

Mental: 

Today I woke up in a much better mood and didn't want that to change. One thing that brings me peace is reading books. I enjoy reading books by classic American novelists, so I decided to start with John Steinbeck. My favorite Steinbeck novel is The Pearl, but this time I decided to read Tortilla Flat. I read nearly 40 pages between working out and having my hair colored. I truly believe in the power of reading and increasing our knowledge. We can increase our knowledge by reading fiction too, not just non fiction. When I think of the smartest people I know or who even exist, most of them have a love for reading and can relate fictional stories to their lives. Doing so helps to shape their character and help them think creatively. Interestingly enough, Tortilla Flat has helped me realize today what kind of person I want to be. There are characters who make decisions based on their own desires, but not for the benefit of everyone. I began to reflect on my relationships with my friends and those I care about and question my own ethics. I know there are people I can be better friends to and I think those 40 pages today helped me realize that. 

Spiritual:

Today was a milestone for me. It has been exactly 7 years since I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I don't even know where to begin in telling you how grateful I am for this Gospel. I think today I thought more about how the Gospel has changed me. I am amazed at how the Lord knew the right time in my life to introduce the Gospel to me. When I think about who I wanted to be at this age several years ago, it doesn't even measure up to the person I am now. I don't mean to say that I am this magnificent, perfect person (because we all know I am not), but the things I've accomplished and the character I've developed is far greater than I could have imagined. I know I make mistakes and that I still have a long road to being who God wants/needs me to be, but I am glad I am a much better version of myself. 

February 15, 2007

Physical:

It was another sprint interval day. XOJO is becoming my best friend. I love the way I feel when I workout and I feel like it is making a huge difference. I used to get incredibly tired during my workouts, but when I use XOJO, I am fueled to keep going and not give up. Running intervals is making a difference in shaping my body and helping me see the results I want. I grew up doing physical activity where my legs were my greatest asset. I was a gymnast, a dancer, a sprinter, and a cheerleader. Therefore, muscular legs will just always stick with me. I am extremely self conscious of my legs and often wish they were leaner. I know that years of building that leg muscle will take awhile to trim down, but I am trying new ways to fully engage my body and see the results I want. 

My best friend for the day

Day 4 & 5... I can't even deal right now...

I am combining today's and yesterday's posts into one. Sometimes, you need a little bit longer than one day to learn important lessons and sometimes those lessons require more thought.

Mental:

I don't even know where to begin on this one. First, let me tell you about my mental state the last two days. Yesterday, I was so out of it, I couldn't even tell you what was going through my head. I barely remember what happened. Today, I would pay someone to make this day disappear.

All I remember about yesterday was that I sat in back to back meetings all day, was running back in forth between both of our downtown offices, ate way too much at Cafe Rio as my "cheat meal" and then came home to do P90X (to which I am now in pain for). Definitely was not thinking about much yesterday except maybe about the fact that I just wanted to be in my bed.

Today, well hell... That's the best way to describe how it started. I woke up in a frantic panic, sweating, and almost falling out of my bed! Why?! Because I had a bad dream! Oh and it gets worse. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to text my friend who was in the dream at 6 AM!!!!! Listen, the dream was ridiculous and I ended up being all riled up from it. But was it necessary to text ANYONE at 6am?! No! 

Dear friend, I apologize for my frantic text that probably woke you up and from which you probably thought I was clinically insane. 

Here's the other thing: I guarantee it that I am making a bigger deal about my mishap this morning than I need to. There is nothing I hate more than feeling vulnerable and telling way more than I need to. I try and always keep myself composed and on top of my game. That wasn't the case at 6am... So again to my friend, 

I am not insane and I usually keep myself in check. 

How does any of this relate to what mental improvements I am making? I don't know... Maybe I will take away from all of this that I need to think before I act? No idea and frankly, right now, I am not in the mood to care.

Spiritual:

Let me start with reminding you all that today sucked. After my bad dream and my crazy 6am text messages, I dealt with a rough work day. I needed to work on so many things aside from the interviews we were doing all day and I just needed a break. That break never came and by the time 3:30 in the afternoon rolled around I ran into the bathroom and let myself shed a tear or two... or three. I NEVER CRY AT WORK! When I first started working at this company, someone told me, "no matter what, never let anyone see you cry here. And if you just can't help it, let it happen only twice max in your career." Was that the best advice? I don't know and really I try not to think too much about it and would rather do what I want. But I choose NOT to cry at work because it forces me to stay composed and remain logical and realistic. The downside to this is that I can sometimes use that to build defense walls in the workplace and at home. How is this spiritual? I'm getting to it...

I have an app that gives a daily scripture, quote, and hymn. Today the scripture was John 13:34.

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

Once I read this, for a moment I forgot myself and just tried to focus on having more love in my life like the Savior. There were people today that made some bits of it bearable and almost fun. The fact that they love me and I love them made it even better. I have wonderful coworkers and a fabulous family. Being with them was all I needed today.

Physical:

All I can add is that I'm getting in the habit of caring for my body without having to think too much about it. I worked out last night before bed and survived thanks to XOJO. I ate pretty healthy throughout the day today and was proud of myself for not falling for the awful things that could go in my body. And now, I just want to rest. Because my body really needs the rest.

Honestly, as much as I had a hard time with today, I'm still glad it happened. At the end of the day, this venting is healthy and really the bad experiences make the good ones even better.